Rev. Conrad Mbewe and his jewel that keeps shining

Rev. Conrad Mbewe with wife Felistas in Paris.

 

Rev. Conrad Mbewe and his jewel that keeps shining

JACK ZIMBA

ON JANUARY 2, Conrad Mbewe and his wife Felistas celebrated 32 years in marriage, and the Baptist preacher still describes her as “a jewel that keeps shining brighter and brighter”.

Conrad and Felistas first met in the small mining town of Mufulira on the Copperbelt. Conrad had just graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in mining engineering, but still inclined to preaching rather than mining.
He would abandon a career in mining altogether to become a preacher, and since he made that decision in the mid-1980s, he has gone on to obtain a Master of Philosophy in theology, a Master of Arts in Pastoral Theology, and a PhD in Missions.
But despite his high academic qualifications, Conrad is not fastidious about titles.
“I honestly do not mind what titles people use,” he once told me.
As for Felistas, she was working as a nurse at Malcolm Watson Hospital in Mufulira when Conrad happened at her small Baptist church during morning Bible study.
She soon took notice of Conrad because of his active contribution during the bible study.
They both became actively involved in youth activities such as evangelism.
At the time, Felistas was already betrothed to a man, although that relationship could not work because her boyfriend failed the moral test, according to her, and she thought her Christian values were being compromised.
Conrad had also entered into a relation with a young lady, but it did not last because she could not marry a preacher and the future preacher was not ready to give up his passion.
And then the two friends decided to become man and wife.
Felistas has a better recollection of the moment Conrad dropped the question.  
It happened on the evening of April 28, 1987. Conrad was walking Felistas back to her flat at the hospital after a church meeting.
“When we were approaching the hospital, that is when he proposed,” she recalls.
Felistas mumbled some words, but she finally said “yes”.
“It was just ‘yes’ there and then,” she says.
For Conrad, it was a major achievement in his life, to propose the girl that he says he had always greatly admired.
“I remember the journey from that place back to where I lived, it was about an hour’s walk. I remember I was very excited knowing that a major change had now happened,” he says.
He adds: “I remember heading back home with a real sense of joy and gratitude.”
Although she said yes immediately, Conrad says he never took Felistas for granted.
Although for Felistas, Conrad was more than what she had bargained for in her prayers.
“I was looking forward for a handsome man, and he had all these qualities,” she says.
“I wanted a man who loves the Lord, serves the Lord, and that is what he was, so I thought the Lord had given me more than I had anticipated,” says Felistas. “But I was also looking forward to a handsome man and he had all these qualities.”
Conrad says his biggest attraction to Felistas was her commitment to God.
“She always wanted to live for God and be a blessing to other people. She always was the servant seeking to serve others,” he says.
But there was an extra attraction for the future preacher.
“I think I had a soft spot for nurses because my mother was a nurse, and there is no doubt that that was an extra attraction,” he says.
Conrad and Felistas got married on January 2, 1988.
But the couple admits to having a rough start to their marriage.
“We had some difficulties at the very beginning because when you tie your two legs together, you soon discover that there are some personalities differences that you have to work through,” says Conrad.
“I was a typical bachelor where you don’t just think of a woman as a woman. The sensitivities on my side were not as developed as they are now. I wasn’t thinking much of protecting her and shielding her emotionally, so would have gone through quite some rough patches,” he says. 
He says it took long for him to understand that he needed inform his wife for instance about his preaching engagements and travels.
“I never processed it in terms that somebody else needed to know. It was just the typical bachelor life that I now needed to come out of,” he says.
“For Conrad it was ministry, if they have asked me to preach, why not? I need to go,” says Felistas.
Actually, a few days into the couple’s honeymoon holiday in Zimbabwe, Conrad told his wife that he had a preaching engagement the following weekend.
Obviously it did not go down well with Felistas.
“I was not impressed,” she says, “and also he was not happy that I couldn’t understand him since that is his life.”
They both were independent in their thinking, and that became a source of conflict in their initial years of marriage.
Mostly, it was because the young couple had not gone through pre-marital counselling.
Having been friends for some time, perhaps Conrad and Felistas may have felt no need to undergo through lengthy counselling process.
Thankfully an older couple came to the couple’s rescue, taking them through counseling.
“My thinking is that the pastor who married us probably thought he had done enough pre-marital counselling, but it was like just one afternoon; asked us a few questions and that was it, and so when this older couple got to know that we hadn’t gone through the full menu, they took us aside. That proved helpful,” says Conrad.
Felistas says that counselling, which happened almost 30 years ago is what has kept them going in their marriage.
The couple also had a rough start financially, but Felistas says it did not bother her much because it is something they had discussed before Conrad decided to relocate to Lusaka.
“It was not a shock,” she says.
But she also thinks she might even have been naïve at the time.
The first seven years of ministry, Conrad did work by bicycle and in a rented building.
“But there was no negative or ill-feelings from my wife. Zero. Absolute zero. I had her full support,” he says.
“There were times when we were surviving primarily on her salary because the church was so small. I was getting very little,” he says.
“Every year on our anniversary we deliberately review the whole year based on our counselling. Are we still on the right track?” he says.
He says that has helped a lot. 
“We are friends and we enjoy just being together,” he says.
“I cannot believe how some husbands shout at their wives,” he says.
The couple has also made it a habit to review their marriage yearly on their wedding anniversary.
“It’s a non-threatening environment, it’s not emotionally charged,” says Felistas.
She says the review looks at all aspects of their marriage including sex.
Conrad says the question that is usually asked during the reviews is: “Is our marriage mutually satisfying? Is there something that I need to do more to make sex something to look forward to?”
Conrad says such issues in marriage should not be discussed at the point of frustration.
Felistas says marriage requires deliberate effort to grow, and advises young women to work on their marriage.
Conrad says Felistas is the one thing he would carry with him out of the world if allowed to.
The couple has three biological children plus three others they adopted, in the African traditional sense.